Happy Halloween Ragnar, Act I

Scene i: Sanity's Abatement. Ragnar the Viking and Brett Favre conversing mid-field amid the hustle and bustle of post-Monday Night Football.

Ragnar: What an amazing game Brett, hey could you do me a favor?

Brett: Sure thing Ragnar.

Ragnar: Could you keep it on the D.L. that I was here? I just don't want the Vikings to know I was at your Monday Night Football game.

Brett: No problem Ragnar.

Ragnar: Wow, you played incredibly. You just give me so much inspiration Brett. I mean, I totally thought my life was finished after I almost O.D.'d on Flomax. Ever since then I have tried following in your footsteps, you know, I look up to you so much for how you handled your addiction problems (starts to tear up)...I just love...how much fun you have on that field. At your age! Goodness! (starts bawling) I just wish I was like you Brett. You invigorate me...

Brett: Uh...Hey cheer up pal. I'm sure you can deal with whatever it is you're going through. Why don't you go home and see your wife, Ragnar? What was her name...

Ragnar: Bolgmore.
Brett: Bolgmore, that's right.

Ragnar: Brett, you don't understand. I just get so much...pleasure out of watching you play. (glances down at Brett's mouth as he gets closer) I neeed it.

Brett: (backing away uncomfortably) Hey pal, thanks for coming to the game and everything, but I'm going to go now.

Ragnar: (holding on tightly to Brett's arm, so as not to let him leave) NO! Brett! I need you! We need...each other!

Brett: (slips away using his antidiluvian athleticism and sprints to the locker room)

Ragnar: NOOOOOO!!!!!!! (crying on his knees in the middle of the field) You...you were...supposed to tell me....what to be for Halloweeeeeeeeeeheheheheeeeeen!!!!! (throws his head violently back and stares crazily into the sky) I will! I will see you on All Hallow's Eve Brett. Then. Then we will be forever consummated. Our souls in an infinitely bottomless chasm of unalterable love cyclones. I need. A Halloween costume Brett. I neeeeeed it. (quickly grabs his axe and disappears into the huge crowd on the field)

Greg the Camera Man: (having filmed the entire thing) Holy goochbasket. That was the weirdest fuckin' thing I. have. ever. seen. (looking around in amazement) Did...any one else see that? There is no way no one else saw that! (thinking to himself) I wonder what Ragnar's going to do to Brett. I better warn him...just in case Ragnar wants to like...butthurt Brett or something. (jogs quickly to car).

[Act II Halloween night]