Now Wait Just A Gosh Darned Minute!

Northern Kentucky, 10:37 AM
(Door Bell Rings)

MLB Security Investigator: Good Morning Mr. Gibson, Mr. Holbrook.

Greg Gibson, Sam Holbrook: (in a southern drawl) Good Mornin'.

MLB SI: I won't take up too much of your time, I just have to ask you a few questions. What with the referee corruption in the NBA and all we have to do these background checks on all of our umpires. I'm sure you understand.

Gibson: Why o' course.

Holbrook: Too bad about that referee. Seemed like a nice enough feller.

MLB SI: Aaanyway. Let's get on with it shall we? Do either of you gentlemen grow or sell marijuana?

Gibson: (chuckling slightly) No sir.

Holbrook: Of course not.

MLB SI: Do either of you gamble? Or do either of you live beyond your financial means? By that I mean do either of you own a Rolls-Royce?

Holbrook: I neither gamble nor do I own an expensive car. But if a raise is what you're hintin' at... then Yes! (heavy laughing followed by wheezing coughs)

Gibson: Same goes for me.

MLB SI: Okay then. Last question. Are either of you involved in any groups? Such as the Ku Klux Klan?

(Gibson and Holbrook glance at each other stirring in their seats)

Gibson: Now look here! I resent that question! Just who do you think you are?

Holbrook: The MLB thinks it can just send its secret police over to our houses and ask us these insulting questions? You have crossed the line! What kind of despotic ship do these folks think they are sailin' here? These are sensitive times! You can't just go around askin' people those kinds o' questions like you're the gestapo! We got a nig... colored boy runnin' for President for gosh sakes! God forbid he wins, but you can't just act like you own this place and ask any question you gosh darn please!

Gibson: (watch alarm starts beeping) Sam, we're late!

Holbrook: Good day to you sir! You have made us late for our meeting. (To Greg) Hurry, get the biscuits from the cupboard. (To MLB investigator) I believe you can show yo'self out.